A drunk hunter, a fallen angel and an immortal former time agent
by Dori4n
Summary: Three guys are sitting down at table, in the back corner of some anonymous bar, somewhere in the United States. One is a drunk hunter, one is a fallen angel and one is an immortal former time agent. It could have been the beginning of a great joke. And maybe it is. Jack Harkness meets Balthazar and Dean Winchester.


Three guys are sitting down at table, in the back corner of some anonymous bar, somewhere in the United Stated.

One is a drunk hunter, one is a fallen angel and one is an immortal former time agent.

It could have been the beginning of a great joke. And maybe it is.

B: I must confess that this… How do you call it? Sophracolazix?

J: Saporalokis.

B: Whatever, is quite great. I didn't think anyone could find an alcohol capable of getting an angel drunk.

D: Shut up. You're suppose to be dead.

His tone was far less cheerful than his drinking fellow was.

B: Come on Deano, can't you, for once, stop complaining and being a pleasant company instead of a dick?

D: Why should I? I'm stuck with both of you.

J: Hey! I didn't do anything for once!

D: Bullshit, I can feel your fucking foot trying to reach my leg. You'd better stop right now before I decide to cut it off!

B: Told you, he's got a stick up in his ass.

J: Too bad, he could have something far more pl…

D: Shut up, right now, both of you! You're disgusting.

Balthazar and Jack shared a knowing look before drinking down their… How many glasses again? The three of them had lost the count after the fifth bottle.

Dean was drinking slower than the two others but hey, he was still human after all.

B: So… We're here, together…

D: Not by choice. I just wanted to get drunk on my own but you -he pointed out Balthazar- where already here and you -he pointed out Jack- show your sassy ass just behind me and forced me to stay. Guys… I didn't want to be with you.

He was… Drunk. As drunk as he could be. He was complaining about the two other men but, deep inside, even if he would have rather been with Bobby or Sam or Cas, he was quite happy to not being all alone.

Balthazar sent him a dark glance before starting speaking again.

B: Before this rude interruption, I was saying; we're here, together, drunk as… As… I don't know…

J: As hell.

D: Hell can't get drunk.

J: I don't care. I say what I want.

D: You're saying shit lady-boy.

J: I'm not a…!

Jack looked almost offended, straightening his back, trying to look full of dignity in his military coat but the angel dampened him hard as he mumbled, his nose in his glass.

B: Don't want to stand up for this prick, but you're quite a lady-boy.

J: Screw you! Both of you. I'm not a fag, I'm… I'm omnisexual but I guess you stupid 21st century people can't get it.

Dean looked at him with narrowed eyes while Balthazar was hiding a threatening crazy laugh in his drink, taking long and deep sips, doing his best to look anywhere but in their direction.

D: You mean… Omni… Like…

But he stopped before the end and waved a hand toward Jack.

D: No no no, don't listen to me and especially, do not answer! I don't wanna know. Not at all, not a hint, never!

J: You don't know what you're losing. Dean, why do you keep trying to convince everyone, you first, that you're so str…

B: Okay guys, okay, things are getting weird here. Jack, you should really stop before he tries to rip your lungs out. Dean… Well, just keep drinking and shut it.

D: Blow me Balthazar.

B: You're not helping kiddo. Before the two of you changed the subject, again, I was about to say, and I swear that if this time any of you interrupt me, I'm gonna be really really pissed… What was I saying again?

Ignoring the two silly giggles coming from his drunk fellow, he ended his drink and suddenly snapped.

B: Ha! Get it! So, I guess we all have a reason to get drunk as… As… As hell. Tell me yours. Both of you.

D: Don't want to share any chick flick moment with a dumbass fallen-supposed-to-be-dead angel and a half nymphomaniac, take your hand off my thigh immediately, delusional, come on, you pretend to travel through time, pervert freaking gay. Yes, GAY, and quit touching me! You make yourself even more gay! For fuck sake what the problem with you Jack?!

The former time agent had moved along the wall seat to get closer to Dean and was, in fact, doing his best to grope him. Half because the hunter was damn hot, half to bother him.

He gave him a true laugh and took his hand off the hunter's back to simply poke his shoulder.

J: Okay Balthy, I'll start. I like your idea. I'm immortal, I've seen this world aging for centuries, I've always fell in love with the wrong persons and the only time I fell for someone really cute, nice, polite, clever, truthful, strong and loving… He died. I'm alone, I'm condemned to walk through the universe, to see him grow old and then die. And I'm afraid that I may remain alone when the whole universe will die. Because I can't die. Because I'm not allowed to have this peace. That's why I want to drink enough to not be able to think.

Dean shook his head, knowing not if he could buy this or not. It was odd, so odd, so alien from what he knew but the guy seemed sincere. The hint of deep pain in is eyes didn't look faked.

J: Dean, your turn.

D: Bite me, I wont open my aching little heart for you guys. I'm not your girlfriend.

B: We can think about the biting stuff later big boy.

J: Yes, totally. Come on Dean, it's not about being girlish or not. It's about three guys who seem to have all the reason of the world to drawn into booze. Tell us.

Dean sighed in annoyance and dived in his glass. He drank it down the hatch and, after hesitating a few second, he gathered his courage and started talking.

D: You really are a pain in the ass. And no Jack, it's not an invitation! What the hell dude, go to flirt with the sassy gay angel there and leave me alone.

Balthazar gave him his best "fuck you" smile and told him to actually go to Hell.

D: Okay. So I drink because… Because my best friend is dead, my father is dead, the guy who was the closest thing I've had to an other father is dead. I drink because my little brother never had a chance to have a normal life, I drink because my whole family is cursed. Because Sam has Lucifer yelling inside his head and hasn't sleep for at least 48 hours. I drink because this friend of mine who died betrayed me before this and freed the worst creatures of Purgatory on Earth. Now I'm alone, I've no one to help me save this suicidal world and all the people I used to know and love are dead except my little brother. But I think he wont make it for long. Now please, fill my glass again and Jack, stop playing footsy with me, I don't care if you can't die, I'm still gonna break your nose on this table.

B: Actually… For once he's innocent.

Balthazar's smile had never been that cocky and smug.

Jack filled Dean's glass with a copious quantity of his best Saporalokis and chuckled. The hunter took a long sip and scowled a bit. This drink was quite good. Sweet, with a hint of fruity taste and the same bitterness than a good stout. But damn, it was lethal. He could feel how drunk he was, his head was light, his though were slow and the two men with him didn't bothered him as much as they first did. In fact, it was quite the contrary. Now, he was pretty happy to be with someone. Even if he kept complaining about his drinking buddies, he was grateful to not being alone.

J: Boys, you really are going to set me on fire.

B: That could be quite fun Captain.

J: Don't tempt me angel, don't assume I only like brunet human boys.

B: I do not assume anything. I guess if it has legs, you would fuck it.

J: Actually, once I fucked with the diplomat of this very peculiar alien specie who had…

D: SHUT UP! Oh for God's sake please spare me the detail of your depravity with tentacles aliens! Jap anime porn is one thing but I don't wanna know what you once putt in your ass.

J: Or where I've putt my d…

D: What the fuck man?! Do you want me to puke on your precious coat? Is there a way to make you shut your cakehole?

B: Well… I may have an idea. You'll thank me later Deanno.

Balthazar slid on his wall seat and grabbed Jack's lapels, turned the time agent's body toward him and suddenly crashed his mouth on his. Jack seemed pretty surprised first and pretty pleased after a second. He ran his fingers through the blond hair of the angel and kissed him back quite hard.

Balthazar was floating in a comfortable haze that was smelling like Jack's hair gel and extra-terrestrial alcohol. In the end, it was more pleasant than expected and Jack knew how to kiss a man and how, just with a quick lick on the lower lip, make the heat grow in a guy's body. Or an angel's vessel.

Dean, for his part, was just mortified. He was right in front of this, sitting at the other side of the round table. But he couldn't take his eyes off them. There were two guys kissing quite hot across the table. An angel and a… A something else. He didn't knew how Jack was doing this, but even Dean was beginning to find him hot. He shook his head, sipping a gulp of saphar…Sopir… Whatever this thing's name was, hoping it would prevent him from thinking.

Eventually Jack pulled back, a radiant smile on his face while Balthazar was left breathless and bit… Confused and aroused. He looked at the time agent, as if he was an alien… Which he actually was.

J: So, Balthy, your turn now. Why are you here, drinking with us?

B: Um… Well… Let me…

D: Oh my God… Oh my God I can't believe that!

Dean pointed the angel with his glass with a growing mocking smile.

D: You're mumbling! Oh my God, he turned you on! You're such a princess Balthazar hahahaha!

Jack was still holding the angel close to him on the wall seat, an arm wrapped around his shoulder and a very proud smile curving his mouth.

B: Shut up you dick! I did what you're too afraid to do to shut him up.

Everyone know how Dean was unable to resist to provocation.

D: Fuck you, I'm not scared, I'm straight!

B: As straight as I am! Which I am not but at least, I'm accepting it.

D: I'm not gay.

And he pouted, crossing his arms on his chest. Dean was upset and far too drunk to think clearly about it. As he was sulking at his table's side, Jack whispered to Balthazar.

J: How broken he is, isn't he?

The angel shrugged, unable to bring himself to care about the hunter.

J: So, and you? What reason brought here to drink my liquor and flirt with me?

B: I wasn't planning to flirt with anyone, thank you.

J: But you are, so whatever. Tell us Balthy.

B: This nickname sucks Captain. Well…

He took a long sip of his drink, the name of this thing kept escaping him, and he launched into a pretty confused explanation.

B: Well… First, I'm an angel, and the thing in itself sucks. My family is… Was a bunch of asses all but holy. There is nothing cool in being an angel except the big power. Secondly, I've been outcast from Heaven, I'm fallen and trust me, even if you don't have a high esteem for your family, when they throw you by a window, it hurts a bit. Third, my best friend and most beloved brother tried to kill me 'cause he thought I was betraying him whereas I was trying to save him from himself. Fourthly, this same best friend died. So did my ancient professor and half of the people I've known and loved for centuries. So I get drunk yes.

Dean didn't move, didn't look at him. But somewhere, deep inside him, he could understand a little and he could feel himself sympathizing with this dick-angel. After all, he had lost Cas too and he knew the importance of family.

The ambiance became silent and a bit nostalgic for the three of them and for a few minutes, they just drank in silent.

Than, the most positive man in the universe moved and sat between the two others and grabbed each ones by the shoulder.

Soon, an angel and a hunter were hugged by an immortal former time agent and the thing in itself may have been the end of our bad joke.

Balthazar didn't pull back, resting his heavy head on Jack's shoulder. After all, he had already kissed him so, what was a hug?

Dean tried to step back but Jack didn't seem ready to release him.

J: No no no handsome, you stay with me. You too need something like that but you, mister Winchester, are too macho to admit it. So this time, blame the Saporalokis and allow yourself to drift. And I wont even consider a "no", be warned.

Balthazar couldn't help but chuckled as Jack was lecturing Dean like a disobedient child.

The haze in their head became heavier as they felt Jack's hands running on their back. This man had some pretty soft gesture and, in fact, his presence had something quite reassuring, comforting.

While the angel was already pecking Jack's neck, his brain definitely floating in a pool of Bajoran booze, Dean was as stiff as a ramrod in Jack's arm.

But slowly, along with Jack's gentle stroke on his back, he began to relax. He was drunk. More drunk than ever. With an alien alcohol. With an alien alcohol able to get an angel drunk. So… So maybe he could blame his little dizziness and the growing will to drift into this man's arms on this alien alcohol.

When he finally shut his eyes and sank under the Captain's caress, Balthazar looked at him with a hell of a grin. He whispered in Jack's ear.

B: Captain, I think we should make the most of this situation. Look at him, finally surrendering in your arms.

J: Your place, my place or his?

Jack asked quietly, brushing his lips against the angel's jaw.

Dean heard the last words and groaned in protest.

D: Screw you, you perverts. I'm not g…

But his words died in his throat as Jack leaned down to kiss the pulse point on his neck and nibble at his ear. Okay. It was hot. This guy knew how to set someone on fire. If he didn't lie, Dean assumed that Jack had some really great and long experience.

Okay, let's blame all this on the booze tomorrow, for now, he wanted to not give a fuck and just let it go.

His head slowly fell back and he managed to mumbled.

D: I don't have a place…

B: Let's go to mine. It's comfy.

J: How do we go?

B: Enjoy the flight Captain.

D: Oh please no, not your fu…

He ended his sentence in another place.

D: … cking zapping shit.

J: Wow, quite hot angel.

B: I know I know.

D: Shut up, I'm gonna throw up.

Jack and Balthazar managed to catch the hunter before he fell, his human body slowly giving up to the alcohol.

Following Balthazar, Jack dragged him on a… Huge was an understatement. A gigantic velvet couch. The room in itself was indecently luxurious and Dean even caught sight of a piano somewhere.

As they sat at each side of Dean's sluggish body, Jack asked to the angel.

J: Do you have wings?

B: Of course I have.

J: Oh show me! Please please!

D: Oh my god… Is that a kinky thing?

J: Shut up! Wings are awesome stuff! Almost better than this strange little appendix that…

D: No! No, stop it, shut up I don't wanna know! Told you! Puke on your coat!

But Jack didn't seem about to stop.

J: the Sylurians have on their…

So Dean decided that Balthazar's technique couldn't be that bad and was pretty efficient. So he grabbed a handful of Jack's hair and shut him up with a quite dirty kiss. Yay, blame the alcohol. It was better for his self esteem right now.

Fortunately, Dean didn't saw the thumb Jack was raising up toward Balthazar. His way to say "thank you for the great idea" while his mouth was still quite busy.

A few minutes later, Balthazar was straddling the time agent, bare-chest, panting, his wings spread in his back, his head lowered with his forehead resting on Jack's shoulder while the two others were running their fingers through his feathers.

Dean didn't know how they ended up here and why he was half naked but the touch of angelic wings under his hands was far too fabulous for him to think further about it.

Said angel eventually raised his head, one hand grabbing the hunter's nape before his lips began to run on Dean's neck.

And right here was a very happy time agent.

The end of this bad joke is easy to guess. Let's just say that the next morning, when he woke up with a wing spread on his back like a blanket and Jack's arm under his head, Dean did actually blame everything on the alien booze.


End file.
